Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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