I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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