Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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