she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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