he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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