They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
