I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
