At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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