i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
