3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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