Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
