he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
