Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
