FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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