Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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