are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
