I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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