"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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