Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
