six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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