Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize