also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
