Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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