forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
