Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
