I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
