considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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