We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
