just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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