you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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