we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize