she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
