I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize