And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
