the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
