She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
