Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
