Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
