I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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