Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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