Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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