I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
