i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
