your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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