Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You took a bar mat shot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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