What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
