update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
