Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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