Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
