"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
