awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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