I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
