You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
