I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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