Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sarcasm needs its own font
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
