i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
