think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
