That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
