Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
